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it's been a mixed bag really, going with the metaphor i've felt like a lion most of the month having to roar quite loudly, but as the month's gone on i feel like i've lost my volume and i'm mewing quietly. So many things have made me lose my motivation and my fight recently, the hospital and laughable consultant being one of those, it's only now that i've plucked up the courage to go back to my GP and ask for another referral to another specialist. Tomorrow I go to the dietician, the only useful thing to come out of the appointment earlier in the month. I don't know what to expect, but i've done my food diary and got information ready for her.

I'm hoping april onwards is more productive for me.
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All I want right now is to get rid of this writers block... Back to the whole too many ideas, no way of getting them on paper... argh.
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1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you ?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of lj?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
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1. swallows and amazons.
2. complete works of shakespeare (because if all else fails it'll make good toilet paper)
3. war and peace (never read it, see above for other reason... lots of pages...)
4. Dracula
5. (this may be cheating) but my own notebook so I can work on my story in peace.
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Priscilla Queen of the Desert
Breakfast at tiffanys
V for Vendetta
Tenacious D movie.

I think i'd end up with these because although i've watched them time and time again, i go back to them and they're some of my favourite films.
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ameythyst because it's my favourite gemstone, rune because it's what i use instead of tarot. The deliberate misspelling was done by a close friend at the time who helped me set up the lj account. Unfortunately we lost contact because of a very messy situation in 2003. I've kept the name ever since.

Snow day.

Feb. 2nd, 2009 10:11 am
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We have snow!!!!

Uni's been cancelled, the buses and trains are suspended until further notice. I'm inwardly laughing at the incapability of this country to deal with this kind of weather - one snowflake and they shit themselves. Unfortunately I have to finish my essay off and try and get it sent provided the post office in town doesn't close due to staff shortages.
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i move house today. wont have internet for a little while, so hopefully will catch up before the new year. wish us luck. it's been a stressful couple of days.
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[Error: unknown template qotd] not me, my other half, walked 15 miles from faversham to canterbury because he'd missed the last train and was so intent on seeing me. I waited up until 4am to make sure he got to my house safely and my housemates and I tracked his progress with google maps.
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Because I want to know more about people and have something to read at work Monday. Instead of buckling down and working hard for that promotion. That would be silly.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?

02) What was your dream growing up?

03) What talent do you wish you had?

04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?

05) Favorite vegetable?

06) What was the last book you read?

07) What zodiac sign are you?

08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.

09) Worst Habit?

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?

11) What is your favorite sport?

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.

16) Do you have any pets?

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?

18) What was your first impression of me? (Hmmm...careful!)

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

22) What color eyes do you have?

23) Ever been arrested?

24) Bottle or can soda?

25) If you won £10,000 today, what would you do with it?

26) Would you ever hug a perfect stranger?

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?

28) Do you believe in ghosts?

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

30) Do you swear a lot?

31) Biggest pet peeve?

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?

34) Do you have "one of those faces" (i.e. you look horribly familiar to everyone)?

35) Do you believe in God?

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
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I've got two job interviews coming up. one this afternoon, one on saturday. I'm nervous as hell. Haven't done the whole job interview thing in a couple of years aside from the uni interview. I have an interview outfit though, and heels (don't be scared... i already am... i don't do high heels normally) Both are only for weekend work as well.
Going charity shopping a bit beforehand as well, to get a few more bits and pieces. Decided I'm in need of a bit of a makeover when it comes to my clothes, especially with the whole losing weight thing and the fact that most of my trousers now don't fit me (aside from the asda ones which are alas still too tight although i've figured out those £5 ones which i bought months ago and never really wore are about 2 sizes too small and pretty badly made.. but i digress) and most of my clothes consist in the jeans and t-shirt <---------> amazing goth dress up clothes spectrum and i've got nothing that's in the middle ground.

Anyways. enough of this half awake rambling....  
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I had a weekend doing pretty much fuck all, tidied up my room properly including my paperwork for the first time in months. I've only had intentions to do it before then, which end up in a pile on the floor for weeks on end. I went round town as well trawling for application forms and handing out cvs, for the most part it's all retail jobs, weekend work in random places, because the agency i visited apparently have little work and too many people on the books (good old brook st) and I haven't despatched my cv to all the other agencies yet. Seriously, I know how difficult it is to get a job in canters but there's just nothing really.

So another week at uni, i'm not really looking forward to any of it, I just want this term to end so I can have a month off avoiding the sciences assignment... well at least three weeks of avoiding doing work and a decent week of writing... I need to work as well, no money and next term is going to be a nightmare, not to mention barely having enough to live off through august as it is. The shifts are drying up though, I'm phoning acorn later in the week but i'm not holding my breath and the agency shift this week was too far for me to get to (herne bay) and i couldn't afford the bus fare. I'm not happy with the agency as it is, I think they've taken too much tax and was pissed off to see on the pay slip an admin fee (which took it to about £9). Plus there just hasn't been work from them that I could realistically do. I swear I need a lottery win or something....
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Much as I hate it, the cvs are typed and printed, I'm dressed reasonably smart, I'm heading into town and I'm going trawling for job vacancies.

I don't need luck I need a miracle...
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I'm getting rid of a load of my books via a website called

it's quite a cool premise, you upload books onto the website and swap them with others around the world or just round your own country, depending on how u do the settings. All you pay for is the postage to send your books out. You do have to upload 10 books when you start before you can mooch one of your own though. If anyone's interested in anything i've got listed, my user name on there is the same as here. Happy mooching.
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The Big Read thinks the average adult has only read six of the top 100 books they've printed below.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicise those you intend to read
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (Read them all and am ADDICTED!)
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
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I'm in a let me be eloquent and write mood and it's driving me to distraction. I've just left a rant as a comment on a fiends list post. I just don't know where to start and I've got a sense of guilt about wanting to take a day off and scribble when I ought to be getting the usual rounds of uni work and finishing off paperwork out of the way because it feels like i never get enough done when I want to and procrastinate wildly when I ought to be nose deep in books. I've just realised that since the assignments were in I haven't done any proper reading for the course and there's online tutorial things for the sciences if I want to do them later. Argh It feels like I'm snowed under.

Add to that a feeling of disjointedness. I came back yesterday from the usual going home bit (stayed a bit longer because the timetable was different this week) and all I wanted to do was be around people, yet everyone here was flitting in and out of the place because of things to do. I couldn't settle, still can't for that matter. There's a lot bugging me for now, I can't seem to focus on one thing for long and that's affecting everything. I'm desperate to be creative, but I can't seem to willingly finish projects. It's like a limbo. I don't know if this is true frustration happening or what. I'm just not myself today and I'm hiding behind a mile long to-do list and piles of notes.
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New house and internets is made of win

Uni is information overload in a neatly packaged environment. (doing the equivalent of a 4 year course in two)

Housewarming is saturday (9th) anyone interested?
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Moving day happened last saturday, after all the stress and farting around with paperwork not turning up and trying to co-ordinate everyone to go in, sign the contract/do inventory/sort out keys etc we got in and settled down by early evening. It's nice, living with friends and actually feeling comfortable enough to sit in the living room and eat meals. I'm making a conscious effort to not lock myself away in my room for hours at a time. Might be a different matter when the internet is sorted in my room and i can spend hours on msn without getting yelled at (good old parents place... great to visit, just not to stay)

Then there's uni. the thought of it did scare the crap out of me, having to adjust to being a student all over again, having the lifestyle, studying, even getting to know the people on my course, it's all been driving me to distraction in one way or another over the past few weeks. But in reality it's quite chilled out, obviously the real work hasnt happened yet, which does worry me a little, but as a working group we're getting to know each other and already the bonds of a support network have begun to form. Speech therapy and language therapy is a female dominated environment 99% of all therapists are female, and we have no male presence in our group, save for our linguistics lecturer.

I'm encouraged and terrified in equal quantities. Encouraged by the positive approach to learning each of our group has and terrified by the transistion to masters level work. Plus I'm worried about money, the financial aspect of everything is worrying me no end. I have a bursary, but it barely covers my rent and a couple of utility bills a month, I have travel costs to worry about, food, books, clothing as well as the other bills. And right now it looks like I havent been paid by my job, or if i have, then its a minimal amount of cash which is odd as I should still receive a full month's money, minus any sickness but including the bank staff shifts I did before christmas I'm only working on the casual bank now, so shifts come up as and when I'm needed and have the day off studying to spend 7 and a half hours in the bungalow. They seem obsessed with giving me waking night shifts all the time, because so few people actually like doing them there and I dont mind them, but draw the line at having them every weekend. Where does my social life and time to study come in? At the moment I'm torn between desperately needing money and considering quitting, because I've got absolutely no clue where the next paycheck is coming from and knowing that If I finish the course, in two years time I'll be in a decent paying guaranteed job.

Roll on graduation...
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Oh yeah.. go me.. just filled in the bursary form and got all the photocopying done. Just got to lug the monstrosity down to the post office and get it sent off.
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havent started counting down the days til my full time contract ends, but I'm getting close to it.

I've just spent five minutes of pure head-meets-desk stupidity on the phone to the NHS bursary team trying to get my application sorted out and need to shake my fist at the uni for being such a bunch of useless twats to spend two weeks waiting for the forms to arrive when all i had to do was download them. Believe me, I'm not impressed. Now I have 16 pages of application form to fill in and get sorted before the last posting date this week and they want to know the ins and outs of a duck's arse financially. What gets me is that I think i'm still classed as a dependant student because i havent lived away from home for 36 months or something similar despite the fact i've been supporting myself since graduation in 2004 (i'll just ignore the little hiccups called depression and back injury...) and I'm 25... I think it's a headache waiting to happen.

Happily though, I got my xmas/yule present from my parents early. they bought me a new pc which i've been sorting out for the past two days. My old pc is going to be relegated to my room in strood, for when i really have to get uni work done and i can't get back home to do it. Now I just have to get myself sorted as it's the in house xmas dinner at work and I'm going in even though it's my day off. After today I'm working solidly til xmas eve.... Roll on 3pm next monday.
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